Abstinence: Is it a choice worth making?
I'm not sure how to begin this but here goes. Have you given much thought to the subject of abstinence? We live in a society that says, experience is everything and you have to try it all. We are bombarded with sex in the tv shows, movies, music, magazines, it's in your face everywhere you turn. According to a 2005 study by the National Center For Health Statistics at least 53 percent of girls ages 15 to 19 admit to engaging in intercourse. Those who live their lives for the Lord are looked down upon. I know that at one point I had been made to feel by some that being a virgin and saving yourself for marriage was something to be ashamed of, you're a loser if you aren't like the rest. In reality it is the opposite and the only one we should be living to please and concerned with what they think....is the Lord. Some of you may feel that you want to wait. But some may say "Why should I save myself for marriage?" or, "Too late, I've already given in." It could be that you're unsure and haven't made a decision one way or the other. I will do my best to address each of these views.
I have prayed about writing on this subject and feel led to do so. About a month ago when I was looking for work a woman at my church asked me if I had ever considered going to schools and talking to teens about abstinence. I was kind of surprised by the question and why she would suggest it but I did give it some thought. I fought with it because I'm by nature a very private person and keep personal issues to myself. This woman didn't really know me that well and had no way of knowing that I had been saving myself for marriage. The Lord, however, did...and it is something that I should share with others to encourage them to do the same. I don't really like to say that "I'm saving myself" because I know that it's the Lord's doing and it's only with His help that I have been able to do so. I was about 17 years old when I asked the Lord to keep me pure for the man He had for me to be a help mate to, if such a man existed. I remember that moment clearly, I didn't want to just keep my body pure but my lips as well, I wanted the Lord to set me aside completely for whoever my future husband was. I thought I had accomplished a lot being 17 and never kissing a guy and I thought you've held out this long why not wait for that too. Well, the years have passed and men have passed through my life...none of them were the one for me...but the amazing part is I'm 29 years old and the Lord has helped me to remain faithful to my future husband, if that's what the Lord has for me. Has it been easy? No, it hasn't but the Lord is good and with Him we can do all things. Do I regret never giving in?....absolutely not. I want the Lord's will for my life and I know that what He has planned is best.
So, this brings us to what does God say about pre-marital sex and why should I save myself for marriage?
Gen 2:22-25
Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man." For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. Heb 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. 1 Cor 6:18-20
Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body. Deut 22:23-24
If a man happens to meet in a town a virgin pledged to be married and he sleeps with her,
you shall take both of them to the gate of that town and stone them to death-- the girl because she was in a town and did not scream for help, and the man because he violated another man's wife. You must purge the evil from among you. Does this mean we put people to death that do this now?...no, this was the law then but it shows how detestable this sin is to the Lord.
Prov 4:20-27
My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil. Every thing the Lord has made is good when we follow His ways. Sex is not a bad or evil thing but a gift from the Lord to be cherished and kept sacred for sharing with the husband or wife the Lord has chosen for you and it's well worth protecting. Also in choosing abstinence you keep yourself from disease and unnecessary heart aches that are sure to result. There will be no excess baggage to carry into your marriage that can cause division.
To those of you who have decided to wait.... that's great, but ask yourself this... "Why am I doing it?" Is it because this is pleasing to the Lord & something worth waiting for? Or...is it something that you're doing because you're afraid of your parents or you were pressured into it...it's expected.
If you're doing it for any of the last reasons it's not really a decision you've made and you probably won't stick with it or if you do you'll feel like you've missed out on something. You need to go back to the reasons to choose abstinence and if you're still fighting with it, talk with the Lord and ask for His help.
For those of you who choose to wait because it's pleasing to the Lord & you want to remain faithful to the one the Lord has for you, please be careful. Set guidelines & rules and do not compromise. One of the first & most important is to make sure that the person you're in a relationship with is truly saved and feels the same about waiting. The Lord has told us not to be joined with a non-believer, this is for our own good....
2 Cor 6:14 Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Something else to keep in mind is cuddling can be just as dangerous as kissing. You don't have to kiss to find yourself in a situation where one or both want more. So, like I said, set rules and a good one is no cuddling when you're alone,or better yet, don't do it all, save that too. Why allow yourself to be in a situation where you could be tempted?
Have you already given in and been in a physical relationship? Do you feel like, "what's it matter now"? It does matter to the Lord. Starting right now you can ask the Lord to forgive you for going against Him and His plan for you and ask Him to help you from this moment forward. The only person who deserves your body is the one who marries you and is going to spend the rest of their life with you.
None of us can do anything without the help of the Lord.
John 15:5-9 "I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." "If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned. "If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." "My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples. Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love." Let me ask you one more very important question....Do you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are eternally saved? If not, do you want to? Read on....
The law makes us aware that we are all sinners and that sin separates us from God. Because He is a just God, He must demand a payment for our sins. We need to realize how awful our sin is and that there is no way we can ever pay the penalty due. The Lord is good, compassionate, and loving ...He sent His Son Jesus Christ, God in flesh, to pay that penalty for us. In this He reconciled us to Himself that we may know Him and love Him and be with Him forever as His sons and daughters.
Rom 3:19-27
Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin. But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished--he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus. Where, then, is boasting? It is excluded. On what principle? On that of observing the law? No, but on that of faith. Rom 6:23
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Jesus Christ died for you...
Isa 53:5-6
But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all. Christ reconciles God and man...
Rom 5:1-2
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Faith in Christ means eternal life...
John 10:27-30
My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one." He offers you life and peace that the world can't give you...
John 11:25-26
Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" Ps 103:8-14
The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. I hope you have placed your trust in Christ alone and are His child. If you are still not sure you can write to me and I will try to help you. The most important thing you can do is acknowledge your sin before the Lord and ask for Him to forgive you and to give you understanding.
I pray that this helped at least one person. I know that when you're young things can be confusing...what decisions to make...what's right or wrong. The Word of God is the only real guide for us and it has all the answers. If you need to talk to someone about something that is troubling you, I am available and I do care.
In the Love of the Lord
Steffie77
