Over the Christmas break (I am a college student)I have had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with God...which is always awesome and definately worth it. However, I realized even more that I am a really sucky person. That's the edited version. Nowadays I try not to use the language that it would take to describe myself. I am extremely lacking in the humility/holiness/love deparments severely(just to name a few). 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always persevers." Yeah! All I can say is....oops! I am not patient, I am not kind, I am envious, I do boast, I am proud, rude, self-seeking, you get the picture. So, I'm pretty sure I don't really love anybody? But don't feel bad...it's not you, it's me(I know it's not funny). Oh, let's talk about holiness. I read an absolutely amazing book about holiness, and yeah, I'm really lousy at that too! The author talked about purging the evil out of our hearts in a way that lot's of people would accuse him of being legalistic. However, he was saying that we don't do this to earn are salvation or to get better standing with God, so he actually wasn't being legalistic. The Bible does command us to purge the evil out of our hearts. Most Christians say that it is legalistic to say stuff like that because they don't want to go through what it takes to purge the evil out! One of the things he said in his book is that most Christians goal is to not sin very much...when our goal should be to not sin at all. He acknowledged that we would never get to the point where we don't sin, but that should still be our goal. I realized that was definately true for me. I even have my own sins that I am ok with me having. Example: gluttony. And there are many others. When realizing that is something I should be dealing with I realized that I have made up my mind to not deal with it....still. I came up with a list of things that I wasn't willing to give up...which is really a list of idols...things that I put above my walk with God, which just showed me how much I really don't love Jesus either. And humility...people have told me before that I am a very humble person because I am not afraid to talk about my shortcomings and failures. Haha...the irony is that the reason I am ok with talking about my shortcomings and failures is because I think so highly of myself that I don't care if you know my shortcomings and failures. You get the picture....even after all the grace, love, and mercy Jesus has shown me I am still an absolutely lousy person. I'm a follower of Jesus not because I am a "good person" or because it sounds nice when I say it. I am a follower of Jesus because He died on the cross to take my punishment for my sins....for me being such a lousy person before knowing Him, and even now. Thank you Jesus for loving me in spite of me and please help me to grow in humility/holiness/love!
