me and my girlfreind have been togeather for 14 months and we want to get married one day. It has been a great 14 months. i live in Florida and she live in New York so its a long distance im going to see her for the first time in April ill be up for the week. well my question is what if something happens when i come up? should we try and keep from doing something? i love her so much and would do anything to make her happy. i really dont care about sex but becuase of the way she has been talking i think something is going to happen. either way im happy to have her in my life, she is the best thing that has happen to me. thanks for any help anyone can offer.

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the end will justify the pain it took to get there

ok... ill give you my view on your questions...You don't have to take my advice, but I'll do my best to say what God would want you to do in your situation.

and im sorry if this gets long ..i dont know you, so i dont know what you know and dont know and stuff, so im going to try to explain myself as clearly as i can..if you have any questions for me feel free to ask..and if this is too long feel free to just kinda skim over it until you find your answers. i consider the part about the spiritual implications to be the most important, so if you only read one part, i hope you read that part.



You asked, "What if something happens when I come up?" By "something" I'm assuming you mean what if you end up having sex..or do you mean what if you are tempted to? Either way, I think you may somewhat know part of the answer to that. There are many consequences of premarital sexual relationships including physical, spiritual and emotional. Physically, theres a risk for pregnacy and std's even if you believe the other person doesnt have one, you can't be sure unless they've been tested, especially in a long distance relationship like that since you dont know her personally yet. I'm not saying that she would have an std or that you would, but i think you should get to know eachother better before doing anything even if your only concern is the physical consequences.
emotional consequences can be even worse that physical consequences. If you were to have sex and then break up sometime that emotional bond created would still be there and it would be difficult to break(not saying that you will ever break up, but until you are married there is always that chance even if it's slight). There may also be shame and guilt if you and/or her believe that premarital sex is wrong (and since you're on this site and your screename or whatever is Jesusfreak52, im assuming you're a christian, and hopefully you know that God is against premarital sex). There are ways you can become emotionally closer without having sex that will actually strengthen your relationship more. Statistics even say that premarital sex is more likely to drive a relationship apart than bring it closer.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, there are spiritual consequences. No matter how you look at it sex outside of marriage is a sin; its called fornication, and it's mentioned in the Bible quite a few time as something not to do. As with almost any sin, it can be forgiven with repentance and prayer etc (asking God to forgive you and deciding not to do it again), but we are not to rely on God's forgiveness as an excuse for sinning (Romans 6). Sex itself is not "bad" persay. It was in fact designed by God with the purpose for us to fill the earth with more people with the added bonus of the pleasure and bonding to the other person that comes from it. However, God did not design this for outside of marriage. It was designed for marriage because God knows what's best for us. He knows its tough for unmarried parents. He knows its tough to break up after sexual relations. He knows everything. Marriage is a reflection of our relationship with Christ in a way. The Bible refers to the church as the bride and Christ as the groom. Marriage should be like that with love for one another and a serving attitude like Christ's serving attitude toward the church and how we are supposed to serve Him. You said you'd do anything to make your girlfriend happy, and that is on the right track, but be careful not to sacrifice your morals and values to make her happy temporarily. You will both be happier in the long run if you wait until you are married. Having sex now would separate you both from God, and that is not what God wants for either of you, and I dont think that's what you want for eachother either.

You also asked if you should try not to do something. My answer is yes. God's answer would be yes too. I suggest you pray to God about guidance in this area. When you are together with your girlfriend the temptation to do things will probably be high especially since you wont be there long. Be careful to focus on God with your relationship because that's what relationships are for- to glorify and please God. they are meant to make you both stronger in Christ so you can help eachother through life and show each other God's love. I also suggest that you talk to your girlfriend about what will happen while you're there. Talk about boundaries so that you wont be tempted. Set a limit of how far you will allow yourselves to go..keep in mind that even kissing can easily lead to sex if you dont deliberately take control of your desires. If you really want to keep yourself from temptation, ask her to be careful how she dresses as to not cause you to be tempted and you need to be careful about touching her because that will tempt her (i read this in a discipleship book). I have a friend who is dating a guy in a long distance relationship..he is also coming to visit in april and they even talked about a few specific situations and asked eachother what would be ok for them to do in order to keep from going to far.

It may be tough, but you can accomplish this if you focus on God and rely on His strength. I hope things go well for you. Let me know if you have questions or comments on what i wrote.
In Christ,
Jen

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Jen

I MUST applaud u, Jen!
That was a WONDERFUL reply................


In my younger yrs, I had a situation almost the same
it didnt work out, not 2 say that yours wont but................
the MAIN thought should be EXACTLY what Jen said
NOBODY is worth going 2 hell over

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Hear O Israel, the Lord our God is ONE Lord!

my girlfreind read this so now she knows what i was wondering and was worried about.
thanks for the help you two have given me.
we have talked about it.

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the end will justify the pain it took to get there

Jesusfreak52 wrote: me and my girlfreind have been togeather for 14 months and we want to get married one day. It has been a great 14 months. i live in Florida and she live in New York so its a long distance im going to see her for the first time in April ill be up for the week. well my question is what if something happens when i come up? should we try and keep from doing something? i love her so much and would do anything to make her happy. i really dont care about sex but becuase of the way she has been talking i think something is going to happen. either way im happy to have her in my life, she is the best thing that has happen to me. thanks for any help anyone can offer.

Dear Jesusfreak,

Please think long and hard before you allow something to happen that will result in an negative affect on your relationship in the long run. You want your marriage to be blessed of God, remember David and Bathsheba they suffered severe consequences for their premarital sex. For you to allow yourself to fall into sin with this young lady would be for you to put what she wants above what God wants. Stand up for what is right in God's eyes, then do it!

Love In Christ,
Nina

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In Chrsit alone I stand!

nbyler wrote: Jesusfreak52 wrote: me and my girlfreind have been togeather for 14 months and we want to get married one day. It has been a great 14 months. i live in Florida and she live in New York so its a long distance im going to see her for the first time in April ill be up for the week. well my question is what if something happens when i come up? should we try and keep from doing something? i love her so much and would do anything to make her happy. i really dont care about sex but becuase of the way she has been talking i think something is going to happen. either way im happy to have her in my life, she is the best thing that has happen to me. thanks for any help anyone can offer. Dear Jesusfreak, Please think long and hard before you allow something to happen that will result in an negative affect on your relationship in the long run. You want your marriage to be blessed of God, remember David and Bathsheba they suffered severe consequences for their premarital sex. For you to allow yourself to fall into sin with this young lady would be for you to put what she wants above what God wants. Stand up for what is right in God's eyes, then do it! Love In Christ, Nina

Yea i am thinking and she already said we dont have to have sex if i dont want to. She is a christian too and she was the first one to bring up sex and say she wanted to wait til marraige, of course i always wanted to wait but now its getting hard. if anything does begin to happen and i dont want to i can always say no and she would be fine with that, it would be alittle weird but she would ok with it, when was the last time a guy said no to a girl wanting to have sex? lol
i just cant wait to see her i dont care about sex.

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the end will justify the pain it took to get there