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Hello, everyone. I'm new to this website, 'www.Christunion.com', in fact I just joined today. I thought that this would be a good place to start at, and post for the first time. I am 40 yrs old and a member of GNN. It is a fellow member's posting on the GNN board that led me here. I thought it might be a good way to share a little about myself by sharing my testimony. It is a little bit long but, here it goes...
Approximately thirteen Years ago, I was under house arrest, and I spent more than 6 months confined to the house. It was just me and my dad living in my grandparents house, and he was away most of the time, working. One day, I decided I had enough and wanted to commit suicide, only this time I was going to do it right. I prepared a closet, where I could get to a ceiling rafter, in the upstairs. I hung a noose and wrote a letter, preparing for the end. One thing I decided to do, was to pray to God, because I knew I'd be facing Him very soon.
Here is my disclaimer, though. I do not remember the exact words I spoke, and the wording I use here represents, to the best of my knowledge, what I had said and thought.
When I prayed, I said that I was sorry for everything I had done, all the sins against God, that destroyed my life, hurt many others and put my family through a great deal. I asked God if there was a way to let me into heaven to please do so. But, if not, I said then, that I would accept whatever He decided. Even if it was hell, that I would go, but pleaded that He wouldn't send me there. I knew that He was in control and that I could do nothing to save myself. In essence, I surrendered my spirit, myself to Him and His will, threw myself at His mercy. Then, I prayed for everybody else. My family, friends and people I didn't even know. I’m not fully sure if I ended in Jesus’ name but, when I was done praying...
I stood up on a chair and placed the noose around my neck. However, I couldn't kick out the chair. I could not reconcile the fact that I would be breaking God's law by killing myself! "Thou shalt not kill"! In spite of thinking I had nothing to live for, I could not break God’s law! He was the one whom I would face, His judgment, His laws! This battle in my mind lasted just a few minutes. Finally, I said to myself, whatever God has for me, so be it. I had no idea what His plans for me were, where I would go, and what I would do. But, I did know I’d have to endure prison.
A lot happened in the next few weeks, and my lawyer had secured a plea bargain. I spent four months in the county jail and five years on probation, as well as several years in rehab programs. Now, during the last couple of weeks before the sentencing, I had no one to tell me anything substantial, in the way of Biblical doctrines and core biblical theology. So, I wound up finding a preacher on television. In spite of the fact that it was a, ‘prosperity preacher’, I did begin reading the Bible, learning scriptures, attending church and praying a lot.
Now, I know that if you’d asked me for my testimony, even as few as three or four years ago, I would’ve struggled, even missed such things as, repentance, trust and reputed righteousness. But, I was learning. The one thing I struggled with, and was loosing the battle over, was sin. I had a tough time with it, even staying away from sin! I knew something was wrong, even the teachings from the prosperity stuff wasn’t working! I prayed often, asking God to forgive me, and reveal to me what was wrong, why I was still messing up. Then, one night, on my way home from church services, I caught a man preaching on the radio. He mentioned something about finding your point of repentance. I realized that repentance had something to do with my problem and quickly turned off the radio and prayed to God to show me true repentance, in daily life.
There were two dreams I had, after that, or around that time, that were very influential in my desire to learn what was wrong. The first one was where I got left behind after the rapture, and realized how real God and the Bible really was. I was working, delivering truck parts. I was on the highway, when the traffic began stopping. All the traffic was stopping. Is this what I thought it was? Maybe not, but just a big accident. However, people were getting out of their cars and were acting weird! The lady, in a green Taurus right next to me, was frantic that her baby was gone! I climbed out of the truck and looked inside. Baby safety seat but, no baby! I walked down a ways and saw a jackknifed tractor trailer. It had a lighted cross on it’s front grill. I looked into the truck and there was no driver, and his clothes were still in the seat!
That was it! I knew then! I began telling everyone but, no one listened. They were too stunned, or frantic, or just in denial! I walked across the grass to the fence that ran the length of the highway. I climbed over and went into a nearby building, a hospital. The same thing happened there! I tried to tell people but, no one listened. I found myself alone, in a room sitting on a bed. I stared out the window, at the green grass and the really blue sky, and began to sing to God. Then, I woke up...
The second dream was about a vineyard owner, showing me the process of pruning. He showed me several different branches. One was healthy, one wasn’t so healthy. He showed me how He prunes the healthy branch, clipping a couple of the flowers to force the branch to produce fewer but, larger fruit. On the not so healthy branch, He pruned it back, forcing more energy into producing flowers, instead of more leafy stems. Then, He showed me a branch that would not produce fruit, and He lobbed it off, so it wouldn’t sap off energy from the rest of the vine. It fell to the ground and I realized where the branch would be headed for. Looking down the isle, I saw other workers piling other clipped branches into a pile that was on fire... See John 15:1-6
It took several months for the payer to be answered. One late night, I was web surfing, and had the T.V. on. Since I don’t have cable, got rid of it a few years before because of it’s expense on my budget, I had left it on TCT/TBN. Then, something caught my attention, there was preaching and witnessing going on, on the current program. It was the Way of the Master! After the show was over, I got on line and began exploring. For the first time, I was learning sound Biblical doctrine. Since then, I’ve become a student of SOBE, an online evangelism training course, joined the Great News Network, and have been sharing my faith in Jesus Christ. With such people as, Ray Comfort, Kirk Cameron, Todd Friel, John MacAurthur, Bob Dewaay, Charles Spurgeon and several others, as well as all those who are members and leaders of GNN, I’ve grown stronger in my walk in Jesus Christ. Praying, reading the Bible regularly, attending Church regularly and sharing my faith. Sin is still a battle that is fought daily, but the problem of sinning has been very significantly reduced.
As I stated before, I would’ve had a problem explaining what had happened that day, in that closet, but I understand it now. I faced God’s holy law, and His judgment. I knew that I had sinned against Him and He had every right, the power and authority to send me to hell. But, He saved me, through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, shedding His blood on the cross, and is raised from the dead, seated at the right hand of God the Father. God the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit are three, yet one God. I knew it in simpler terms, and hadn’t realized this is how all are saved. I knew repentance and trust by experience, but not in articulating it so clearly. And being sidetracked for so long didn’t help much either. But, God knew what He was doing and had a reason for all of this.
Have you sinned? Take a look at the Ten Commandments yourself. Have you ever lied? That would mean you’re a liar. How many times must you lie to be a liar? How many times to commit murder, to be a murderer? Have you ever stolen, looked with lust, at someone or something? If you are honest about yourself, before God and all of creation, you would have to admit you’ve broken at the very least, one of God’s laws. You know how many laws you can break and still get into heaven? None, zip, zero, nada one! James 2:10 says, “For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point he is guilty of all.”
If you tell a little lie, it’s still a lie and you are guilty. If you just look at someone and have filthy thoughts about them, you’re guilty of adultery. Matt. 5:27-28. God considers your thoughts, attitudes and desires. I Sam. 16:7 If you break His law in spirit, then you’re still guilty and He will hold you accountable. All have sinned and fallen short, all are appointed to die once and then to be judged. Rom. 3:23, 6:23 Heb. 9:27. If you die in your sins, and face God, He will judge you, and see you are punished. Eternity in hell is the second most horrible thing to face. The first most horrible thing to face is God, knowing only He has the power and authority to save or send to hell. Your life is ultimately in His hands! See Rom. 2:12, 3:19, 23, 6:23, Gal. 3:23-24 Heb. 9:27
If a man stands in a courtroom, and has been found guilty of breaking some serious laws. The Judge must see to it that justice is done. The law must be met and satisfied, by the guilty one paying for that crime. If the judge sentences this man to paying a restitution fee of many millions of dollars but, the man can’t pay, the man must pay by many, many years in prison, maybe for life! However, if somebody else pays the fine for the guilty man, the law is satisfied and can no longer hold the man. He is free!
God, the Son, became a man and died on the cross. Jesus Christ paid the fine to save us. We must now have faith in Him, trust he will save us, confess our horrible sins and guilt towards God. Confess we have sinned against God and turn from our sins, forsaking them, hating them, too! Then, we step into the light, where our deeds will be seen, to be of God. One of the most popular quoting of scripture is, John 3:16. But, read the whole chapter and you will see that both Jesus, and John, in essence, witness using these very same principles. Law to the proud and grace to the humble. James 4:6, I Peter 5:5.
In the service of Our Lord, Jesus Christ, Jeffrey Howe.
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. I am somewhat controversial in todays ultra modern world because I am anti feminist. Why? Simply because I have always dreamed of being a housewife/sahm and have yet to make that dream a reality because everywhere I turn ,women tell me I am selling myself short and most men seem to think that every modern women has no standards or morals. It is for this reason, that I came across this wonderful webpage and decided to sign up. In the hopes of meeting people with smiliar values and beliefs. I have filled out quite a bit on my page but haven't been able to get my background to work properly,*lol*. 
