Well to say I was a wild one is putting it mildly. To say that I am lucky to be alive ...that may be a little closer to the truth. I have a very crazy past, I was an extreme party girl, and tested my limits in any way I could. I drank, drugged, smoked, and partied many times until the sun came up...and went down... and came up and so on...you get the idea. I went through life with a definite nagging on my spirit. Something inside always screamed "This is NOT you,what in the world are you doing?" I had a low self image and found my comforts in what other people thought of me, and if that meant partying until I could not remember anything, than so be it! I have passed out, blacked out, gotten lost, crashed my car, I have even jumped into a few fights ..(.by the way they were guys fighting) Real smart. I always had to call a friend in the morning to find out what happend the night before.Sad!!I was a nut! Most of all I compromised my dignity and self respect, I had no self esteem and I felt that I never would, so who cares. Then one day I met this guy who loved me unconditionally and basically saw my heart. He saw who I was under the surface and he chased after it. It meant many struggles because there were demons that I had to battle, but after a while he calmed the craziness ,and just let me be me. I didn't have to put up a front for him to love me. We built a life together and things were going along fine until things began to stir in me. I have two children of my own and two of my husbands at this point in life and things were going on in the world that really got me thinking. I grew very afraid of the task of raising good kids in a world that I saw as completely BAD! I felt that there were no genuinely good people left, I basically lost faith in who people were. Everyone was evil at their core in my eyes. I felt life was meaningless and had no purpose. The world is full of rapists, muderers, child molestors, and if your lucky you would meet the ocassional sweet person who will come down with some horrible disease and probably not make it or suffer un justly at the very least. Pretty gloomy I know but this was my thinking and it was scarey!I didn't understand why we bother. So this of course raised questions about the Creator of life. I needed to discuss a few things with Him..He and I needed to have a little chat! Because my state of mind was not good. My husband was attending church at the time and while he would share things that were going on I just told him that I would listen and be respectful but don't push it on me. I don't want to become "One of those people" The ones who judge others and the paths they are on. Always trying to push there beliefs on to other people. Just leave me out of it. I don't want any part of it. Well God had other things in mind. At a Christmas Pageant ...which I thought would be harmless fun, they performed a play of the Life of Jesus. At the end , if you were moved enough to say it, they asked that you would believe that Jesus really was who He said, and that he did come here for the purpose so that we may know God intimately and enter in to a relationship with him. Well to be honest I figured there could be worse things, and I don't like my current state of mind so... if it is true than let's give this path a try because I don't like the hopeless one I am currently on.... but I will never go to church and become one of those "Saved" people. I was so judgemental. Well after believing this was true for a moment , I said a little prayer to myself and thought nothing of it. About a month later all of the sudden God Himself began to reveal so many things to me I can't begin to list them all. He surely proved to me that He is real and He really was with me in a way that I never knew before. I started developing a love for people, which I honestly never had. I was very sarcastic in nature and did not have a heart for people. When God began to reveal who he was to me I was in awe and I couldn't believe it and wished so much that I had known him sooner.
Being in relationship with God has been the greatest gift I could ever recieve. God really did come in to my life and totally transform my whole belief system. I will be honest... I am very stubborn and nothing short of Divine intervention would have been able to change my thinking, but that is exactly what happen. If you knew me back in the day and saw me now you may think I have been brainwashed or something, but I have not.... I have been Spirit washed. My soul really feels brand new and it is an inceredible feeling! It is so awesome to have God openly communcating His plans and wishes with me. I just stand amazed at our world, and our Creator, it is nice to know that He is growing me daily to want what He wants for people, and that is Love, Peace, Patience and Joy..Just to name a few! So for anyone who may be skeptical or nervous because you don't want to become one of those wierd born again people....Ask yourself what could possibly be motivating a person to so radically transform themselves? It is not by something natural that life change can happen.... it is only by something Supernatural, and all you have to do is ask God to prove it and wait to see what he reveals to you! Nobody is perfect, we all have messed up but He loves us anyway and wants us to know it through His Son. If you feel like your life is falling a part or it just isn't what you thought it would be than you need to ask yourself "What am I missing?"
