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We are home from Arizona and our trip was filled with confirmation after confirmation that this is where God is leading us. Praise God~!

Every job interview I had presented me with a better employment package than the last. I will be working with CHI Chandler Regional/Gilbert Mercy Hospitals in the telemetry/ICU departments.

Our time with the Cares Team was amazing. We immediately felt like we fit in. Even my quite/shy husband opened up and was introducing himself to strangers! I saw him open up in a way that he never has before.

The time with my Aunt and Uncle was so blessed. I laughed and felt so at ease! Justus fell in love with my cousin Melissa and even sat outside the bathroom door while she showered. (He just could not wait for her to get out!)

Jaina prepared a picnic by the pool for us (Bagels with peanut butter, marshmallows and string cheese.) She really enjoyed the Zoo and seeing the blooming roses in January~!

When I left Arizona the last time, it was to save a failing marriage (did not work) I was so depressed. Returning to Arizona felt like I had never left... I just felt alive and like I was where I needed to be all along.

My 15 years in Iowa have been out of "duty"... I had to stay here at first because of the divorce order stating I could not take the children out of state. I then met Chris and we got married... I knew that he would never leave Iowa, so I just settled and tried to not think of Arizona...

Oh, now that I know that we are returning there I am so joyful and full of excitement. I feel like I have been granted a new life. I feel so blessed to be going back as missionaries for the Cares Team. I am eager to see what God will do in our life through this ministry... and more importantly what God will do in the lives of others through allowing us to work in this ministry!

Thank You Lord!

We now have to prune so much from our lives. I will start with the pruning of unnecessary belongings, unnecessary drains on our time and anything that is not uplifting or edifying.

Pruning can be painful... but it is so necessary.

I am off to get the pruning shears!

Ramble, grumble, fret, squirm...

Goodness, I was all excited about possibly moving to Arizona... now though, I start realizing I would be leaving Iowa to do so... seems a no brainer, huh?

I mean, I love, Love, LOVE my church. I have amazing friends here. My pastor is instrumental in our spiritual growth over the past 8 years.

At work, well... heck, I know my stuff. I know I can not say this without sounding extremely arrogant... but really, I know the computer charting very well. I know the physicians and their particular preferences... I know which docs let us think on our own and the ones that want to be called for every little thing... I seriously am on first name basis with most of them and know all the nurses...

I am well respected at work. Nurses and doctors alike will ask my opinion on things... They like me here. I am known for being careful in my nursing cares and easy to get along with...

In my neighborhood most folks know me or at least know OF me. I have a good reputation... our family is respected, even by those that are not in our "circles".

When the CASA lady was researching us she said that she could not find anyone willing to dish "dirt" on us... and usually she can... her job is to dig into our past and find out the down low on us.

I guess the thought of leaving the security of the KNOWN for the unknown is a bit daunting...

I have to start over as the one that does not know anything... heck, I know every unit phone number at the hospital... folks say Kimberley what is dietary's extention... I say 5852. I do not even have to think twice about it.

When I say something is not right with a patient, folks do not have to wonder if I actually know what I am assessing or if I am over reacting. When I say "I can not put my finger on it, but something is not right here." they listen.

This is most likely a pride issue. I like knowing that folks do not doubt my competency. I like not having to "prove myself" anymore. It is good to know that folks are not having to size up our family to see if we are good enough.

I know that when we are in a new church we will have to start all over... they will not know if we are leadership worthy or if we have a solid foundation in our marriage, or if our children are hellions... LOL.

at a new job I would have monumental things to relearn.

new parameters for labs, new phone numbers, new physicians, new nurses...

Am I too old for this?

... doubts...

I know that sometimes God has to take us out of our comfort zone to use us properly... I guess the big question is do I feel ready to let go and let God...

*sigh*...

How can we discern God's will from our own desires?
Category: Religion and Philosophy

Is it possible to completely know when something is God's Will for your life; or if it is merely your own selfish desires coming to fruition?

How can we ever know if what at one moment you perceive as "God's hand" or as doors opening are just fanciful interpretations of a situation going in the way you had hoped?

How can we truly attest that our sense of peace and contentment over a possible decision is actually the Holy Spirit; rather than just satisfaction over getting our own way?

How can we be certain we are not just rationalizing that it must be God's Will because it is so appealing to our human nature or pride; instead of actually listening to God's voice?

Why is it so easy to doubt that God would call you to a ministry that seems PERFECT, and easier to accept that he would call you off to a mission in an area that would be difficult for you to do?

I am trying to strike a balance between God wanting to bless us for our open heart to serve Him; and our true desires to serve in a capacity that would appeal to our earthly side; and the possibility that this is just Kimberley's Will.

Part of me believes that God would WANT us to be excited and comfortable in a particular ministry. That he would want us to serve in an area that blesses our hearts. I believe that God knows our special gifts and talents along with the desires of our hearts... I just struggle with accepting that something so wonderful would classify as a mission... does that even make sense?

There is this other part of me that is wondering if I am just hasty to jump into believing this is God's will because I truly want to go to this area. I also think that serving in the capacity outlined by the organization seems like it would be nearly effortless for our family... we do this ALREADY!

I want to stop doubting... I want to know God's will and just rest in that.

Can someone tell God to hit me with a brick saying "Go!" or "Stay!"

Please and Thank You!

Kimberley