Tuesday February 28th 2006


All my life, most of the guys in it have never treated me like I was important or special. When I was in 6th grade I got taken out of school because I was constantly being sexually harassed; being called a "whore" and "slut" and guys asking me if I knew what a condom was and other stuff. I had no idea what any of those things meant because my mind had been kept very innocent in those days…no joke. I came home from school one day and asked my mom what a "whore" meant because I thought it was another word for pig! It always seemed like guys treated me like I'm was an object, stupid and worth nothing. I feel "incapable" in some way, because I've never actually had a mature, real friendship with a guy before; it seems to always turn into the "relationship" route. I usually assume that things aren't going to work out and I'm going to mess everything up. I used to think it was my fault that guys were treating me this way. And, all I've ever wanted is for one day, to meet the one guy of my dreams and he would treat me like I was his princess and never stop loving me. I let 2 guys in my life do things with me when we were "going out" that I can never take back again. I hurt so bad inside, thinking "how can I wear a purity ring, if pieces of it have already been chipped off?" I pray to God that he would make these past things be erased from my mind and stop hurting me. Though I know that they can never be erased completely.

Here is an example of the way guys treat me (one of many):
I was at a football game and this guy walked up to me, that I was in junior high with, a couple years before. I personally wasn't too excited to see him, but was bubbly and outgoing to be polite. I started a conversation, asking him how he'd been doing and if he liked the high school he was going to and he came back with this:
"you're going to the high school this year right?…you're gonna be asked to a lot of parties!" I'm like "why is that?" and he says "a-lot of guys are gonna think you're a dumb blonde they can take advantage of. You know? haven't you heard about those drugs that make you sleepy that some guys slip in girls drinks? Yep, boy this years gonna be fun!" (and he was totally serious, looking me in the eyes, when he said all this!) I was so angry and hurt that I just came back with "you're a jerk, nice talking to you!" then as I was walking away he just says "Brittney, do me a favor, don't talk to anybody! Nobody gives a crap about anything you have to say! You're such a dumb blonde!" (news flash buddy: I'm not blonde!!!!!) that's just one of many examples I have. I don't do anything. They just treat me like this. I just thought of another one: I went out with this guy like 2 years ago…nothing serious at all. One night after watching a soccer game, he asked if he could kiss me. We ended up making out (the 1st time I had ever kissed someone, let alone let them slobber all over my face!) yeah, he was a pretty sloppy, disgusting kisser! Anyways, about a week later we were supposed to hang out at a football game and he totally ignored me the whole entire time and told his friends (who didn't know me) that I was like "obsessed" with him and made up a "story" that we were going out. So after that night our relationship was pretty much "off"! A year later at another football game, (he just happened to be at) he came up behind me and started like "massaging" my back (did I mention I hadn't seen or talked to him for a year!) I turned around, (not knowing who the heck was behind me…) and was like "what are you doing?" and he's like, "hey, I'm bored. Lets go do stuff!" ("stuff" to him meaning: making out or maybe even something worse than that) I said "I'm leaving right now, bye!" and walked away with him still behind me trying to put his arm around my shoulder. That night I went home and just cried. Wondering, why I even game my time and one of the most precious things away (my 1st kiss, the kiss I always planned on giving my future husband, someday…ruined forever!)… to this arrogant, loser! I realized he just liked me because he wanted to get "some". Maybe he thought I was that kinda girl, and that he could just as easily "give me up" without any of his friends even knowing my name. And by me making out with him, I probably gave him that "false" hint, that I was "easy" or whatever guys are always "looking" for these days! I hate being the girl that guys never just want to be "friends" with, but they always want more, more and more! Well, guess what? This girls had IT! I have made a promise to God and myself to stay completely sexually pure until I'm married and there's no doubt in my mind I wont be able to keep this commitment. I wish, that someone would step up to the plate and have the intelligence and morals to respect and understand the FACT, that a woman is not an object or something you can just take a piece of whenever you feel like. I am a person! I am smart and I'm not going to be treated this way! I know that God created everyone special and no-one will tell me I'm anything less than that!
Maybe one day, I'll figure out how to go into a relationship without being scared that, that person may try to take advantage of me or treat me like a toy they can rip pieces off of all the time. I don't know. It's just hard to start all over again. Best decision: I'll be sticking with God, because I KNOW He wont let me down J

And right now, all I'm looking for…is R-E-S-P-E-C-T!
That's right! A pretty powerful group of letters, but when used correctly it can cause miraculous things to happen…!

If you read this, you're awesome! Most people just pass up stuff this long! Thanks though, now you prolly know about who I am a-lot better. God bless.